Some struggles I had to face (Part 1)

So this is no fiction, this is me! 

There was a period in my life when I was involved with someone for selfish motives or perhaps I should say it was due to walking “out of purpose”. Unfortunately, I was like an unwittingly running project for the individual, and I was psychologically harmed as a result (not necessarily the person’s fault). Oh my! It took years to recover. I wish I could give so many examples of mindsets that lingered for so long before I could eventually break off from them but I will give one for the sake of this piece. 

There were instances when I wanted to put something out but was so worried about what people would think, what reactions I would get, and how I would handle it if I didn’t get the desired reactions (my mind was basically playing so many games in one field, hahaha)…… And guess what? Those posts never made it out. Why? Because my mindset was flawed and I was preoccupied with gaining acceptance from others. I asked myself “what was going on with me? All of that wasn’t me, what was really happening?” I realized then that I’d done things like that in the past when the “involvement” had given me unfavorable responses and my trust in myself reduced.

Oh! my heart longed to be free and be who I was supposed to be, who God has purposed for me to be. So, I found safety in God first (right here is the real deal). Y’all might look at me now and think just maybe she does too much, maybe all of this is just for the gram. But, I haven’t even done anything at all to be honest. One of the things I broke out from is what I’m doing now: writing out my thoughts for people to read. I never thought I had the right words to communicate my thoughts, I never thought I could have coherent sentences, I never thought I could be so comfortable about talking about me in public just for some people to get things right early or in whichever place you are right now or just for the fun of it😄😄

In fact, when I started dropping my thoughts on IG I had a couple of people unfollow me. One of the questions I asked myself then was “Why was this happening?” The answer is; separation! They were never even supposed to follow me in the first place if I was doing purpose.

Can I preach a little? When you walk in purpose, you are surrounded by the right people regardless of the number. One thing I always thank God for is this; once I moved back in line, God just supernatural sieved those around me and blessed me with those I needed even though I did not realize some of them early……..story for another day.

There is really nothing that can complete you if you’re working outside of purpose. Hollup! I know you’re about to roll your eyes and say, “oh she’s back with the purpose talk” but can I just say this is really not as complex as you think it is. For example, I just always had a natural inclination towards sharing my life, struggles, victories, relationships, God and all but I was so scared about starting. Since I started writing, oooooohhhhh mmmmyyyyy! Even if it’s only a clap I get on Medium or a “thank you for sharing” on the media — I’m excited because I know someone has picked up on something I put up.😁😁

Trust me, the change I sought did not happen so quickly but I thank God for divinely positioned friends and mentors, most especially the Holy Spirit when I decided to walk in His path. Don’t think you’ve gone too far from purpose, you can be redirected right from where you are! Just the way the GPS never really tells you to go back to your starting point when you miss the initial direction but instead shows you another route to get to your destination.

I can say today that God is still working on, in and through me and we have not even started yet. Looking forward now into the new phase of my life starting on the 27th of September, I’m thankful for freedom with more grounds to break!